Agent 47, Most Complete Silent Assassin
He’s been in hiding for a while, but it’s almost time for Agent 47 to step out of the shadows, now with Hitman: Absolution on the way.
To celebrate, let’s see what makes him so good at… killing people!
In a videogame world of grizzled, dirty-faced marines with beards/jarheads/bandanas, Agent 47’s bald bonce and clean shave stand out. In his world, however, it doesn’t really stand out at all; he’s designed to be as forgettable as possible. Yes, he’s got a barcode, which we’ll get to later, but just try to picture 47 in your mind. Can you honestly remember his face? Of course not…
Although we salute 47‘s choice of bland features to blend in, we can’t help but feel that having a big barcode on the back of your head might be a giveaway. He wouldn’t be the same person without it, being as it is a reminder of his clone heritage, but it’s very conspicuous. Maybe he could get it covered up? Maybe a tattoo of a giant white hood. Yes, that is less conspicuous, isn’t it?
No. What 47 needs are wigs. We can’t believe they haven’t already been made a standard in tine series, if only for comic effect. Imagine killing a room full of people while wearing a Kevin Keegan wig. Or a natty Don King getup. Maybe a mullet? Now that is chilling.
47’s face may be forgettable, but his attire is not. Black suit, white shirt, red tie and leather gloves are the order of, well, every day.
Although he’s encouraged to change into other attire to get the job done, 47 is too methodical to leave his threads behind. Or, at least he’s learned to be: Hitman: Blood Money started punishing players who wanted top marks by docking them points for leaving their suit on site.
Again, though, we can’t help but feel that his professional attire is a hindrance to his job. It’s okay in missions where he needs to wear a suit, but when you’re turning up at the backwater wedding for a couple of hicks, you might think you’re slightly overdressed.
As with the wigs, would it not be better for 47 to actually dress for the occasion? No. Because that would remove all the challenge, fools. And if there’s one thing a Hitman game should be, it’s challenging.
If you’ve ever watched John Woo classic/Jean-Claude Van Damme mullet-fest Hard Target, you’ll know that a true professional always carries the right tool for the job. No surprise, then, that 47 never gets it wrong.
Never without his trusty Silverballer pistols – which aren’t actually that stealthy, because it looks like he’s holding a couple of cars in his hands – 47’s ability to use both firearms and implements as weapons is extraordinary. Have you ever played a game where you can kill a man by slipping poison fugu fish into his dinner? Exactly.
One thing we would like to see for Hitman: Absolution, however, is the return of the gun shed from Hitman 2. Like Arnie in Commando, 47 harboured all the kit he took off site, enabling you to fully customise your loadout. It was dropped for more small-scale weapon upgrades in Blood Money. But surely a professional would have both?